Published by: Sourcebooks, Inc.

THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE
Transcending the Loss
of a Spouse to New Love

By Gloria Lintermans & Marilyn Stolzman, Ph.D., L.M.F.T.

"To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.”
--Karen Sunde

THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE: Transcending the Loss of a Spouse to New Love is a collection of twenty-four beautifully and honestly told, uplifting and inspirational stories of new, loving relationships following the loss of a spouse or partner, an inspiration to the over 15 million widows and widowers in the U.S., as well as the additional millions of surviving partners from non-traditional relationships. While there are dozens of books in the marketplace on grieving the loss of a spouse, many of which are highly successful, none address the vitally important next step, the overlap of grieving and loving as a satisfying new lifestyle unfolds through a committed, new loving relationship.

THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE is presented in a simple format—twelve chapters, one chapter for each couple—yet the subject is complex, an emotionally charged, multi-layered one due to the often ongoing grief felt over the loss of a spouse while, at the same time, falling in love all over again. Chapter-by-chapter, twelve couples, twenty-four men and women, widows and widowers of all ages, from all walks of life and situations, share—in their own words— stories of their life-affirming, new loving relationships and the road they each traveled in order to realize them.

Each of the twelve chapters begins with an introduction to the couple, a sharing of their experience, from both the male and female perspectives, and concludes with thought-provoking, comments from Marilyn Stolzman, Ph.D., L.M.F.T, a highly respected practicing psychotherapist specializing in grief counseling, a popular lecturer, and the Director of H.O.P.E. Unit Foundation for Bereavement and Transition (www.hopeunit.org), a Los Angeles-based, ongoing bereavement support organization.

To love and be loved is to feel the sun
from both sides.
- David Viscott

THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE is about hope and renewal.. While there are numerous books available on the grieving process following the loss of a spouse, none go on to explore the upbeat, life-affirming action of falling in love again and going on to rebuild a new, wonderful life.

Love is, above all else,
the gift of oneself.
Jean Anouilk (1910 – 1987)

Each story will be told from both a male and female perspective and will include:

• The length of their marriage or partnership.
• Length of time since spouse or partner passed away.
• A description of the support offered by friends and family for their grieving.
• Whether a grief support group or counseling was attended and for how long.
• If so, how it helped each to heal their grief.
• During their first two years of mourning, their hardest period of time and why.
• At what point in their grieving process, did each began to date.
• Did they begin dating because they were overcome with loneliness and lack of physical intimacy, or did each feel that they were ready to begin a deep friendship, or both. How they met their current partner. Whether or not they were friends before becoming romantically involved.
• How their new relationship impacted their feelings for late spouse or partner.
• How this new person is different from their late spouse or partner. How this difference impacted their relationship.
• How scary was it was to become emotionally vulnerable with this new person. How scary it was exploring physical intimacy again.
• How they dealt with today's expectations of sexuality and how it affected their performance. What their expectations were regarding sexual intimacy. Were they able to talk about these expectations with their new partner.
• What the bumps in-the-road were in this new relationship. What they wished they could have done differently.
• Trouble spots with family getting along with their new partner.
• The future they envision with this person.
• Advice for others in their circumstance.

Authors Marilyn Stolzman, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., and Gloria Lintermans have come together once again after co-authoring THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF: The Journey Through Loss to Life and Laughter (Sourcebooks, Inc.) to create this book after earning their bereavement accreditations worlds apart—Dr. Stolzman by way of her professional training and work as a professional counselor specializing in bereavement and, and Lintermans, who has mourned, healed and recovered following the death of her husband. Together they explore and reveal the secrets to creating new, loving relationships following the loss of a spouse.

Age does not protect you from love.
But love, to some extent,
protects you from age.
- Jeanne Moreau, Actress

Reviews:

The Healing Power of Love" was written to help widows and widowers to move on from their grief into whole, loving relationships. The book is written in a way that imparts warmth and compassion. Each chapter is written about a couple and how either one or both of them transcended the loss of a spouse and entered into the new relationship. In some cases, the couples already knew each other and in others they met after the losses. Each person in the relationship tells their stories from their points of view. For the most part, each partner tells what it is like to transcend the devastating grief that comes with losing a spouse of many years. In other parts, the new spouse tells what it is like to marry into a family and have to learn to be accepted by the children; even if they are adults, it is not easy. Both offer advice on how to cope. Then the counselor reflects on the couple as a whole and writes about the advice that is offered.

Many couples also discuss issues with sex. For the spouses who had spent more than half their life with one person, it is not easy to be intimate in this way with another person. It seems like the couples that openly discussed their fears and concerns were able to overcome their concerns easier. I really appreciated that the people who shared their stories were so open about discussing this issue. For many people who are uncomfortable about discussing sex with others, this is a great place to learn about other people's experiences. It is a very personal, yet important issue because your sexuality and need for intimacy does not die with your spouse.

Bereavement support groups were also beneficial for many. For some people, it was a way to connect with others and be able to share the devastating grief that you go through when you have lost someone. It is also important to allow yourself time to grieve and to heal. Some people mentioned in the book tried to start dating before they were ready. It is okay to take time to heal. Some of the people who shared their stories acknowledged that they still continued to grieve for their spouses after the new relationships started. Having a new love helped them with their healing.

This is an incredibly powerful book for helping someone who has lost a spouse to move on. If you have lost a spouse and are at the point where you would like to start dating again, this is the book for you. It will fill you with hope that there can be another healthy relationship for you. One of the common themes that I saw mentioned by many of the widowed people was that they had to get over feeling guilty about moving on. They discovered that having a new love did not take away from the love of their deceased.

I highly recommend "The Healing Power of Love" to people who have been widowed. I think that the adult children of widowed parents should also read this book to gain perspective on what their parent is going through. It also would be a great book to discuss in bereavement support groups.
Paige Lovitt for Reader Views,
www.readerviews.com